Catharsis? Well -- something is prompting me to write
about my most embarrassing moments. Maybe
I just need to talk about it. So here are a couple:
Don’t
Judge a Book By It’s Cover
I don’t
fly a lot. But I did fly several times
while I was in the Air Force Band. We
usually flew from base to base in those old “Goony Birds.” The Air Force called them C 47’s. They were drafty and tinny and maybe that
educated me on the physics of an object in flight. I knew that when some rough weather came our
way, those old planes would toss and turn like a cork in the ocean – but we never fell out of the sky or even were in
jeopardy. That is just how they bounced
around. One just got used to it.
Which
leads me to my first most embarrassing moment.
I was
flying to Florida. I had the window
seat. Belted down in the center seat was
a short little man, who seemed to be alarmed at the rough weather we were
encountering over the Florida coast. Now,
I don’t often converse with fellow passengers – it is
just not my nature. But this guy, as he
crouched down into his seat, trying to read his book, seemed to be concerned with the bouncing
around we were experiencing. So, I drew
upon my great expertise – having flown years
ago on those old Air Force airplanes – and proceeded to calm down his
apparent fears of flying in rough weather.
I carefully explained that
airplanes are much like boats. “They
bounce around when the water has some rough waves. This aircraft is hitting some rough waves of
air. But it will be just fine. It is made to bounce around like this, just like the boat,” I explained in great
detail to this obviously nervous traveler.
The air
eventually smoothed out and I thought I needed to continue with our new found
friendship and make dure he survived. So,
I turned to him and, after going through the preliminaries of names etc. I said, “Where are you from?”
“Miami,”
he answered.
“What do
you do?”
“I am a
meteorologist.”
“Oh my
God,” I said, “I feel really stupid giving you all that stuff about why
airplanes bounce around. Wy didn’t’ you
tell me?”
“You were
doing such a good job,” He chuckled.
As though
my foot wasn’t already completely into my mouth, I just had to continue. “I feel pretty stupid right now. But what do you do? Are you a weatherman on TV?”
“No,” He
said as he laid his book on his lap, “I fly into hurricanes.”
Never
judge a book by it’s cover….
One to
Nothing – Indians
I have
lived a great deal of my life in the Southwest.
I pride myself on having great knowledge of the Indian culture. At least that is how I felt. This was, of course, an exaggeration. But, when my daughters came visiting, I
wanted to show off a bit. We made a trip into the Arizona mountains and stopped
by a tent beside the road where Indian jewelry was being sold. As we perused the various pieces, I decided
to check on a pair of earrings for my wife, who was not with us. It was to be a surprise. I decided on a pair of Kokopelli
earrings. “This old symbol represents
reproduction,” I pedantically
explained to my daughters -- showing them my great knowledge of these Native
American things.
It is typical for customers of these roadside
venues to try and barter for a better price.
Since I was such an authority on the Indian culture, I smugly slipped
this valuable information to my daughters, and proceeded to show them by example. I picked over the Kokopelli’s and finally
selected a nice pair.
Since I
was so sure of myself and my knowledge of the various tribes in the area, I was
anxious to show off this vast knowledge.
I, therefore, stepped up and was about to show my knowledge of Indian
lore and my great bargaining abilities.
Behind
the table were three Indian women. One
of the three was quite cute, rather young and had on jeans, a designer jeans jacket and a concho belt. She wore small rimless glasses. Her black hair was neatly, professionally
done. Before I began my bargaining spiel,
I asked, with great authority and stupidity, “Which tribe are you?”
“Navaho,” She answered, rather curtly as though it was
a dumb tourist question. Which it was.
Then came
my most embarrassing moment. I should have quit while I was ahead. I didn’t. “You don’t look like a Navaho,” I
spoke before I got my mouth coordinated with my brain
Without
missing a heartbeat this gorgeous Indian girl instantly retorted back to me,
peering over her rimless glasses and in perfect American English, “And just what does a Navaho look like?” She paused, as though waiting for an answer
that would not come. It didn’t.
I suddently
needed to look at my feet . I asked the
price of the Kokopelli earrings, she said “Twenty dollars.” Without allowing
any more time to pass than necessary, I gave her a twenty dollar bill. I would have paid whatever she said. I grabbed my Kokopelli’s and slinked away
from the tent as fast as I could. My daughters were giggling in the background.
Indian
girl wins -- one to zero…..
